


Don't Confess

by lachambre11



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, First War with Voldemort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Order of the Phoenix - Freeform, Romance, Wizarding Wars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-08-03
Updated: 2008-08-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 09:12:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10806150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lachambre11/pseuds/lachambre11
Summary: Graduation night was supposed to be one of the greatest nights in Remus Lupin life. He would summon up the courage to tell his best friend he loved him.





	Don't Confess

  

Remus John Lupin needed a drink. Getting pissed was his sole purpose as he watched the love of his life chatting up some beaming bird who couldn't believe her luck for Black, The Sirius Black, was taking interest on her.

 

 

The graduation party should be the happiest night of Remus’s life. He was entitled – damn it, he had earned it – a night of carefree fun and joy. He studied hard, was responsible, sensitive and a great listener. He followed the rules (well, most of them) and would do anything for his friends.

 

 

Especially for a charming black-haired bloke with the wickedest smile in the whole school. His Sirius. The man that possessed his heart, his soul, his being. The one he had planned to confess his love to on this fateful night.

 

.... 

 

But on that night, _his night_ ,  the one that should become the cherry on the top of his seven years in Hogwarts, Remus only had the urge to get as drunk as possible before he had to witness his love, his man, escort the naive six year girl for a raging session of celebratory sex on their dorm room, while Remus had to cover his ears with the pillow and tried hard to muffle his sobs.

 

...

 

Remus was happy. Two of his best friends were getting married, and to each other. He couldn't help but beam while he watched James giving Lily the kiss of life.

 

 

He was excited, for he knew that his family – The Marauders - was gaining a new member. It was for moments like this, filled with a wholesome happiness that made his heart almost burst and got his ears buzzing, that he lived for. That he carried on.

 

 

The reception was in full rage now. He was dancing with Lily when he had the sudden urge to look around. Sirius was staring at him, his eyes burning holes through his soul, as if he could see his secrets and lies. The ones he fed himself everyday:

 

 

_“Your friends wouldn't desert you.”_

 

_“Someday they’ll find a cure for lycanthropy and I’ll be able to lead a normal life.”_

 

_“I will get over my feelings for Padfoot.”_

 

 

“Moony,” Sirius whispered near his ear. “We need to talk.”

 

 

He couldn’t help but follow him. Remus knew he would chase him to hell if he meant he would get to be with him, even as a friend.

 

 

“You’ve avoided me all night.”

 

 

It wasn’t a question.

 

 

“You’ve been like this with me for a long time.” Remus swallowed hard, the lump in his throat growing stiffer. He knew he couldn’t deny what was true. “And I want to know why".

 

...

 

"I though we were friends, Moony.”

 

 

It was a veiled accusation, and it stung. Remus knew that he had hurt Sirius by being distant. But Sirius had also hurt him, without even realizing. Neither had meant to do it, but that didn’t stop the pain from existing. It was there. It was real.

 

 

“We are friends, Padfoot.”

 

 

“Is that so? And why haven’t we seen each other since James’s birthday? Then how come you don’t write or answer my owls? How come you won’t look me in the eye?”

 

 

Remus shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He couldn’t tell Sirius, bluntly, that he loved him in a more-than-friends sort of way. But he couldn’t lie to his childhood friends either. Or could he? Remus didn’t even know which line he couldn’t cross anymore. He didn’t even know when to stop lying, to himself or to his friends.

 

 

“Remus…”

 

 

“I…I…” He hesitated. Had it come to this? He would have to confess his deepest, darkest secret in order to maintain a friendship that gave as much pleasure as it gave him pain? He was doomed either way. “Sirius, I haven’t been avoiding you as much as I've been avoiding anyone lately.”

 

Another half-truth.

 

 

“That’s a lie, Remus, and you know it. So I’m gonna ask you one more time…” Sirius held up Remus’s chin and forced the werewolf to look him in the eye. “Why you’re acting like this with me?”

 

 

“Because I’m in love with you.”

 

 

Remus was surprised when the words just ran away from his mouth and met Sirius’s ears. It was out in the open now, and there was nothing he could do about it. He helplessly watched as Sirius recoiled and looked away.

 

 

He had lost him, for good.

 

 

“Please, Padfoot…”

 

 

 _Please what? Please, love me? Please, don’t leave me? Please, let’s be friends, I take it back?_ Remus didn’t even cared what he meant. He was a desperate man, and he knew it.

 

 

“I’m sorry, Remus…”

 

 

And there it was. The rejection. Remus knew from the start it would come to this. He knew that Sirius would never look at him the same. He knew that awkward words would be exchanged for a long time after his stupid confession.

 

 

Everything had changed.

 

... 

 

Remus John Lupin needed a drink. Getting pissed was his solo purpose in mind as he watched the love of his life chatting up some beaming bird who couldn’t believe her luck for Black, _The_ Sirius Black, was taking interest on her.

  

Remus knew that he would spend this night as he spent many others before; alone in his bed, looking at the ceiling and trying hard not to sob as he think of the only thing he had ever wanted – the love of Sirius Black – and couldn’t have.

  

 

_..._

 

**A/N: There’s a sequel to this story called “As Lovers Go” that I might post here soon.**

 

 

**Author's Note:**

>  **Author's notes:** This is my first fic ever. I would also like to thank my friend and talented writer, Albe-chan, for encouraging me to write and post it. I wouldn’t have the guts to do this without your encouragement.


End file.
